Welp...herpes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
