my being single is dangerous.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
