It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
