Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
