i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would ride that face into the sunset
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
