Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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