when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
