Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Send help, water and tortillas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
