evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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