roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
