Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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