wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
