I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
