heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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