i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
