i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
