I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
