he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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