I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
