Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
