pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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