I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
