cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
