If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
