I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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