Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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