There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
