'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
