Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
