Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
