You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
