I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
