She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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