It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Randomize
