Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
