Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Barsexuality is the new black.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
