Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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