i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
