I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
