on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
