Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
