I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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