he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
