I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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