So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
