guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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