I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
