***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
