As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
