they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
