am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
