Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
