soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She even gives head with a lisp.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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