Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
cat food counts as protein by the way
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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