are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
