if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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