my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize