Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
