She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
