she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
