you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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