We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
