Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
