Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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