Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
