The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
