Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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