If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
