Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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