He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
