I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
