Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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