her facebook's as public as her vagina
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
