i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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