if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
