Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
