u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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