we have pet lesbian snakes
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
