Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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