found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
