It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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