it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
