The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
