my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
