I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
