i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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