WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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