mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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