I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
